It was 3:00am morning on a Foggy October Saturday Night. Ned And Auckmed stumbled into the trailer. “So Auckmed what kind of sandwich do you want?” Ned Asked as he opened the fridge door looking to see what goodies Trista had left them. “Ohhhhh we’re gonna eat good tonight” Ned sings as he dances away from the fridge with arms full of plates of left over pork and beef, pickles, mustard, bread and onions. He dumps his finds onto the island still dancing does a John Travolta Saturday night fever move with a butt bump banging the fridge door closed. Making allot of UNINTENTIONAL noise. ” Oh Shit!!! Auckmed quite making so much noise man your goin to wake up the Warden!!!!” Ned whispers as he tip toes over to the doorway motioning with his finger to his mouth for Auckmed to be quite signalling like in a army mission to stay low. Trying to see if the noise had woken Trista. A minute goes by and Ed turns and gives Auckmed the thumbs up signal. “I think we’re in the clear Auckmed…phew that was close!” Whispers and goes back to quietly bogeying with Auckmed while they made their sandwiches. Auckmed need he was drunk when Ned came out with ” I LOVE YOU MAN!!!! You’re The Only One That Gets Me! I’m so glad we’re Friends!!!”
“What The HECK is Going on Out There?” Causing Ned too stumble with the bun he was buttering almost dropping it, Sending his hip into the silverware drawer. Slamming it shut crashing all of the silverware to the back of the drawer.” Ned! Come to bed! Who ARE you talking to?” Trista yelled from the bedroom!
“Don’t worry Hun… I’m just making Auckmed and I a sandwich all I’ll be in soon.” Ned said ever so sweetly. Trista almost levitates into the kitchen to where Ned and Auckmed are. “What the Hell do you mean, you and Auckmed?” She says as she stands in front of them. Hands on her hips just glaring at them both.
Before I go any farther with this story, I’d like to give you a little insight into Ned and Trista. Ned was a strikingly tall handsome man, his kind and masculine features sporting Glasses and a Hat. He always has a racing hat with Jeff Gordon’s number or Race Car on it. Ned loved Trista with all of his heart, but racing was a scary second. good thing Trista loved racing to. Which made them even more cool.
Ned and Trista loved and valued their family and friends. They were the hit of the park that they stayed at in the summer. Trista would get together with her girls Gwenette and Katey. they would plan fin events like Christmas in July, Halloween Parade and the High Society Event of the Summer the Redneck Games and Awards. On top of that her was a huge supporter of the Cancer Walks and Organizing Fundraisers to Raise Money to fight Breast Cancer. Ned always supported Trista with everything as he was just so proud of her and what she was doing.They are one of the best natured well adjusted families on the verge of perfection you could say.
Which is What she was it vision of. With beautiful (real) long Lushes Blonde Hair. She had a kick ass body to boot.With her Daughter in college Tasha following in the family beauty traits. Which drove Ned crazy sometimes, “It’s hard having a knockout for a daughter, you know… ” He confided to me one night while sitting at the fire. Of course he also proceeded to tell me his most famous line after a bunch of Carling which was, you got it: ” I LOVE YOU MAN!!!! You’re The Only One That Gets Me! I’m so glad we’re Friends!!!”
and he put more wood on the fire. They also had a teenage Son Jackson. He was growing up the spitting image of his Dad.This was a big summer for him. Ned finally let him drive the boat on his own and this was his first year of high school.
Another sport that Ned loved was fishing. you would forever see him and Jackson fishing up and down the river in his boat or on the motorized raft he had made. It was really cool it had a pool slide on it. Ned would move the raft out into the middle of the river an the kids would use the slide.
“What the Hell do you mean, you and Auckmed?” She says as she stands in front of them. Hands on her hips just glaring at them both. SHE had to get up in the morning a hell of allot earlier then he did. As she fumed at him, “AUCKMED? REALLY???? You’re making a sandwich for Auckmed!!!!”
Trista grabbed Auckmed by the head picked him up and threw him out of the trailer!!! Ed Gasped” Oh My God What Did You do That For?….YOU HURT HIM…… TRISTA HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?” he Yelled!! AND HE SCRAMBLED OUT OF DOOR TO CHECK ON AUCKMED!
Trista followed him out the door.
“NED….. you are Kidding right?
YOU GET THAT AUCKMED IS A CARDBOARD CUTOUT!!!!!!!! HE’S A HALLOWEEN MUMMY THAT YOU WON AT MY FUNDRAISER AND NOW YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY GONE TO, FAR, NED!!!!!!!” She said in complete disbelief of this entire situation. As she finds Ned Coddling the Cardboard cutout he had named Auckmed, gently wiping a cobweb from “Auckmed’s toilet paper covered face.
“THAT’S IT!!!! NED, YOU CAN SLEEP IN THE BUNKY TONIGHT WITH YOUR BUDDY AUCKMED. SEE IF HE KEEPS YOU WARM TONIGHT!!!!” she said growled and turned to go into the trailer.
“Fine then…. you know what? I love him man!!!! He’s The Only One That Gets Me! he’s much better company any!!! And I’m so glad we’re Friends!!!” He says as he take Auckmed into the bunky.
Ned Cracks open a beer to share with Auckmed. Getting ready to get settled in for the night when….. Trista lets out a scream! causing Ned to spill his beer all over Auckmed. Being let 50% of him was made out of toilet paper this wasn’t good!!!!!
He couldn’t worry about that right now. Especially since he had just thought Auckmed up to screw with Trista. He comes out of the bunky to A WALL OF STINK!!!! It acutally took his breath away!!!! He sticks his head back in the bunky for a breath of fresh air. bed goes to where Trista is standing at the door sobbing and crying hunched over in her bathrobe gagging and pointing at the trailer doorway. which when she came out she forgot to shut!
“YOU LET A SKUNK GET INTO THE TRAILER? ARE YOU KIDDING ME A SKUNK JUST SPRAYED ALL OVER THE INSIDE OF OUR BRAND NEW 2013 $120000 GEOREOUS TRAILER!!!!!!!!!!!!” Ned exclaimed dumbfounded!!! That summer they had finally got their dream trailer and it was a dream trailer everything you could ever need and lots oroom to boot! Especially for a skunk to spray.
Trista was covered she had walked in the door and alomst stepped on it. When skunks get scared they spray, and spray and you got it spray!!!! I’m in the business and I had never smelt anything that bad. Worse she had a Charity Fundraising Dance the following night!!”Don’t Worry Hun, we’ll fix it!!! I’ll go and get Ron and Christine right now!!!! you don’t have to cry, I’m sorry!!!!” Ned said as he ran down the street to wake up Ron and I to get the Skunk out his trailer and The Skunk Smell off of his wife.
By now the whole park reakked of Skunk Stink!!!
It’s now 3:10am do you remember…
in the last story because they were haviong fun the time seemed to fly. Well this proves my point further cause 10 minuites in that sinky hell felt like an eternity.
Ron and I walk up to the scene to find:
Ned With a Glade Air Freshener Spraying down Trista while taking a drink of his beer. To rid to the skunk taste in his mouth , of course!!!! Anyother reason would be Wrong!
Trista looking tear stained and dishevelled mumbling to herself how she was going to”KILL AUCKMED, HOW CAN AUKMED EAT A SANDWICH, I NEEDED TO GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING……NED….. if you spray me one more time with that f@#$in bottle I”m going to kick your ASS!!!!
“Wow, Trista……. Ron’s going to go in and Net The Skunk She’s already Sprayed everything. I can’t believe that she would have any spray left. So everyone stand back and let Ron do his Job. Ron’s job by the way was:
Removing Animals such as:
Skunks, |Possum, Raccoons, Bats, Mice, Rats, Groundhogs, Chipmunks, rabbits, pigeons and birds in Bathroom and Kitchen Vents, Roof Vents, Attic,Soffits, Chimenys, Eves, Under Deck, Porch, Front Steps, Shed, Out Building(s), Pool House, Add-A-Room or Addition.Under cement steps, porch, interlocking walkway or driveway.
So Ron Grabs his net and goes in. Well, I was wrong, she still had some juice left in her. Boy, oh.. Boy…. Did that skunk spray. Ron had to chase it around the inside of the trailer. The skunk ran
under the table between the chair legs and made Ron’s net usless! seeing a napsack laying on the floor unzipped….
He went for it!!! Ron Grabs the napsack with one hand while he pulls the chair out from under the
tableleaving the skunk open…………Ron opens the napsack……………….. the skunk lifts her tail………….Ron swoops the skunk into the napsack and zipps it up ………..SPLATTTTTTTTTTT……. AS THE SPRAY HITS THE INSIDE OF THE BAG!!!
Like right out of ghostbusters Ron walks comes to the door of the trailer holding the napsack by the strap out in front of him. Everyone started backing up a clearing a path for ron to get to his truck so he could relocated the skunk to a bush where she would be a nuicence to anyone.
“CHRISTINE…….. HAVE THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET RID OF THIS STINK OUT OF MY TRAILER?” Ned Whined he had Auckmed with him.
“NEVER MIND FOR F’IN TRAILER….. NED, MY FUNDRAISER IS TOMORROW WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?????????”
WAYS THAT WORK TO GET TID OF SKUNK SMELL:
- BLEACH OR AMONIA MIXED WITH SOME ULTRA LIQUID TIDE YOU CAN USE THIS COMBINATION TO CLEAN WALLS, FLOORS CEILINGS OF YOUR TRAILER, HOUSE, SHED, ETC.
- ONCE SKUNK SMELL GETS INTO YOUR DUCTWORK YOUR SCREWED IT’LL GO THROUGHOUT YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE THROUGH YOUR FURNACE. SO USE A SPRAY BOTTLE OF THE ABOVE SOLUTION AND SPRAY DOWN YOUR REGISTERS, INTO YOUR DUCTS AND FANS, AND YOUR FURANCE SCREENS. YOU’LL REALLY NOTICA A DIFFERENCE. TAKE A CLOTH SOAKED IN THE SAME SOLUTION AND PLACE IN REGISTERS AND DUCTS. THEY WILL ABSORB THE SMELL.
- IF YOU ARE BRAVE YOU CAN USE A LITTLE ULTRA TIDE IN THE SHOWER TO GET RID OF THE SKUNK SMELL FROM YOUR BODY.
- YOU CAN ALSO USE A SKIN FREINDLY METHOD:
TOMATOES JUICE, BAKING SODA AND GINGERALE USE A SCRUBBY AND SCRUBB THE PASTE ON LET SIT OF 5 MINUITE.
REPEAT UNTIL SMELL IS GONE.
THIS METHOD IS SAFE TO USE ON DOGS AND CATS THAT HAVE BEEN SPRAYED BY A SKUNK
Ned, Trista, Tasha and Jackson went to Trista’s fundraiser the next night smelling like a fresh spring breeze!!!! They had a great night everyhthing went off without a hitch. Trista raised lots of Money For Breast Cancer Research.
***Unfortunately, after being sprayed by the skunk and then almost drowned by a tragic beer spill, I am very sadden to inform you that Aukmed could not be revived.
Auckmed was creamated by Trista that same night…….
…….I guess she didn’t want to see him suffer!
Ned has learned the moral of this story. Never play mind games with you wife. you might end up with a skunk in your trailer!!!!
Don’t Let This Happen To You!!!!!
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